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Well it's time for me to tell you
How i really feel about cats
I never really mentioned it
When i first arrived in your flat

But i have to take antihistamines
Whenever i visit you there
and since i have known you, my clothes are all covered in hair

Well it's time for me to let you know
How i really feel about food
I like it straight and simple
To me that's what makes it so good

But whenever i visit you you always serve
Some exotic dish from afar
And so after i've left, i just eat takeaway in my car

I love you so i didn't tell you before
But now we're building up a nice rapport
And now we're ready for a little bit more
Don't throw me out the door!

Well it's time for me to tell you
I think you're a little bit fat
And you could do with a nose job
And your hair would look nice in a hat

And now come to think of it i don't really like
Your taste in films, books or clothes
So it's probably best if we end this right now i suppose!
How i ever thought i could love you, God only knows!


from The Tears Of Xerxes, released September 30, 2013


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Calum Carlyle Edinburgh, UK

I'm a musician and songwriter from Orkney, now based in Edinburgh. Have a listen to some of my music, i hope you enjoy it!

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